Still not over it

First off I realize there are those who will read this and automatically have the advice, "Get over it...Move on" on this subject. I can only say, I have tried to "get over it" and as for moving on, to what? I am just not the kind of person who can pour my life nto a relationship for over 20 years and then change horses in the midle of the stream. I used to be that way, but marriage spoiled me. I really truly thought it would be a 'till death do we part' simply because I just knew in my heart that it would be that way. I am not "blaming" her anymore than I accept all of the blame for the marriage dying. That ending, as every part of our marriage was a joint effort. I was blind to her feelings that love could be found elsewhere. I'll accept that because that's what she did. Looked elsewhere. Which leaves me feeling as somewhat of a failure since I wasn't viewed as someone to hang onto by the woman that I thought loved me as much as I loved her. She's been gone several years now, with the man she left with, in another state and I've not seen her nor spoken to her in years. That is as she wills it as I would probably speak to or meet her for dinner at a moments notice. Sure. I know that sounds pretty pathetic since she has shown no such fidelity to me, but my heart betrays me. I just can't let go, even though there is nothing to hold onto. Overlook my ramblings. It's just that I can't talk about it to anyone without choking up, even after all of this time and the knowledge that she has bonded and blended her life with another. I simply can't bring my mind to the place I am constantly told I should be. Getting over it and moving on is a lot easier to tell someone, than it is for that someone to do. I'm living proof.

Photographs at Enrichment Center

I'm a little excited about the opportunity to hang a couple of my photographs in the Enrichment Center along with other members of the Sanford Area Photography Club. I've only been a member for a few months and have to say it's a great bunch of people in the club.
I ordered three prints from Walmart Online 5 X 7's that I've got to take the time to drive over and pick up along with frames. Always good to get some feedback on photographs. I'm only an amateur when it comes to photography but I do enjoy getting out and capturing images that I can share with others. For the most part I only share them on Flickr or my GOLO blogs (at WRAL) so this is kind of intimidating as some viewers may know me in the flesh rathert than just an anonymous name on a forum.

Hopefully I'll be able to pick up the prints Monday and hang them at the center that evening or Tuesday morning.

Winter Thunder

Seems like it's been gloomy and rainy for the past two days now. And as I write this muffled thunder is sounding off around me. Winter thunder. I know it's a sign of unsettled conditions. There's some sort of homespun wisdom that after a set number of days, snowfall will occur after winter time thunder. I've hear anywhere's from five to nine days.

Given how much it's thundering right now here in Sanford, NC the next few days ought give us a doozy of a snowstorm.

Another Friday

For myself, that doesn't carry the same weight as it does for many people. The reason for that difference is that I work a swing shift. When I started working swing shift it was an 8 hour shift way back in 1981. So much has changed since then. The place I work hasn't changed but now we have a 12 hour swing shift (7 to 7 am/pm) which does wear you down quite a bit on the "bad" days, but we have more good than bad and it works out to a seven day "long break" once a month. Basically a 28 day cycle in which you work 14 and are off 14 with the work/break sections of 4, 3 or 1 day/night duration. It may sound a little tedious and confusing but it's got it's benefits as well as it's detractions.
Being that it's Friday, I'll be going in tonight for my first of 4 consecutive "graveyards (7pm to 7am) afterwhich I'll have 3 days off. Then it'll be 3 days (7am to 7pm) followed by only a single day off. Next in the cycle will be 3 nights, followed by 3 days off (the first weekend of the cycle) and finally the work cycle is finished with 4 daylights immediately followed y 7 days off in a row! Yes, it takes a little effort to wrap your mind around all of that, but once you are submerged in the cyclicity of the schedule, it's really not to bad. You learn to accomodate.
Over the years there were a lot of things I missed out on some family happenings and activites because of work constraints, but the pay was good, the benefits were better than they are now and I'd relegated myself into believing it was 'the best I could do' at the time. Now in retrospect I often wonder, "what If"...but that kind of a mindgame does little but bring a sense of negativity around and that's the mindset I need to avoid.

Random Thoughts

I've been meaning to start blogging here for quite a while but never really put my mind to it.  Blogging should be second nature to me as I blog almost daily in a couple of local forums. This seems different somehow. Not sure exactly how to describe the difference. Maybe because it's a new direction. That in itself is a little scary because the last few years of my life have been in far different directions than I would have expected. Family, health, finances, job...so much has changed in just a few short years.

So this also will be a 'new direction' for me and for now I have no idea where this blogging experience will lead me. I guess time will tell.